We were informed late last week that our *letter* is sitting on the desk of the director at the CCAA waiting to be signed. We'd gotten word that it was supposed to be sent out to us last week, so this news was a bit disappointing.

After I received this news I decided I was going to do everything in my power to make things move along as quickly as I could once that letter arrives. You see, that way, I could be in control of the paperwork again. I spent six months collecting paperwork for this adoption...trying to hurry everybody up and make things move as quickly as I could, because I knew that once the dossier went to China, I would NOT be in control any longer. I would have to sit back, cross my fingers, pray and wait. (Yeah, right!...I was the one in control...HA!)

We were also told that our contact person in China is still trying to get us an update on Nathan Oliver. So, this morning I was a little anxious about opening my e-mail. I would compare the feeling to Christmas morning when you have asked for something special, you've waited weeks for this special thing; hoping and praying all along that you will get it, and now you have the gift in your hands...and you can't wait to open it to see if you got what you ask for. I was hopeful that we'd get a photo or two. I scanned my e-mail list quickly, but there was nothing from our agency. The anxiety didn't subside as I expected it would. Instead it intensified a bit...the feelings of disappointment were mingled and stirred up with the anxiety. I felt a twinge in my heart. So, I sat here for a few seconds and then a thought popped into my head, "Look for your Heartlight verse." Actually, it was more like, "God, PLEASE help me find something that will calm this anxiety!" I scanned my e-mail list, clicked on "Heartlight" and this is what it said:

TODAY'S VERSE from HEARTLIGHT
October 18, 2010
VERSE: Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. -- Psalm 27:14 http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Psalm+27:14

THOUGHT: If there is anything we don't like to do, it's wait. Maybe that is why God is so interested in us learning to do it! There is something purifying about remaining strong in tough times and remaining faithful when ill winds blow. So God gives us times of waiting to see if our search is really for him or merely for something new or easy.

PRAYER: Loving Father, I know you have waited for me so many times --for me to show my faith, repent of my sins, grow in holiness, come to you in prayer, act more mature, give to those who cannot return my care ... Help me as I wait for you to show me the way with my decisions, to act to relieve my need, and to reveal your presence in my loneliness. I really do seek you with all my heart. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

So, the gift I received this morning was not what I expected. But, it was a delicate reminder to me of all the times that God has patiently waited on me. It was a reminder to me to seek God with all my heart each and every day....to wait on Him. The message held a blessing for me; a gift...the burden is not mine to bear....I can let go....trust....and remain strong.